Saturday, April 30, 2005
bloody hell... these few days are just so terrible! its so damn freaking hot la! wonder wad is going on with earth le la if this goes on i think its gonna be the end of the world liao hahaz...
issit so hard to like a person? for me i think... haiz... everytime u wanna tok to tt person tt person may not sound willing to talk at all. exasperating. then very hard to tok cos no common topic oso... and this becomes a big barrier t is so very very hard to break through unless tt person is willing to open up. nvm... slowly then...
a long weekend this week... nice! but like got alot of things to catch up with... yet im not in any mood to do so... tried doing maths just now... flop case did a bit then stuck... demoralised and dun wanna do lioa hahaz...chemistry i can give up hope le i think hahaz...
bad day for me today oso... my neck is so damn tight! i can turn to my right with ease! its like so pain la! and my freaking knee is taking its own sweet time to recover bleaghx... injuries are so irritating...
~Ch3nDo|~
5:42 PM
// i felt!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
hmmm... nt ar... i seriously dun understand why u have to do this to yurself... i dunno how to talk to u about this in front of u cos i m afraid i say the wrong things la... but seriously... i think u shld just give up hope on him... he's already telling u indirectly tt its impossible le... yea so i think u shld really really just accept it? i oso dunno hoe to quan4 u as a fren le... other than this... but really la... wake up? like u always tell me u have yur frens arnd u one! yea so u must practise wad u preach too! hahaz...
~Ch3nDo|~
5:57 PM
// i felt!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
i guess its all back to square one... no more courage to go on... no longer hold faith in myself... im lucky to have frens arnd me... really lucky... its better than not having anything at all... friendship.. its all i need now...
whether or not i will wait on... i myself cannot be sure of it... if i dun... it means i dun really like her i guess... can oni say im a flirt or wadsoeva... fickle minded bah hahaz... so im not a good guy myself anyways lolx... so wad position am i in to say he's not in anyway better than me... forget it... xiao kan ren sheng bah...
~Ch3nDo|~
5:10 PM
// i felt!
Monday, April 25, 2005
lol wad else can i say? i saw with my own very eyes... not once not wice but thrice... ppl say once is conincidental, twice is dunno wad.. but i think thrice is more than enuff to justify something... bless them then... why shld i be persistent? i m but doing nothing at all like jun xiong say... true... but he better treat her well if tt's the case... if not he shall feel the wrath of her frens... period.
~Ch3nDo|~
9:01 PM
// i felt!
Friday, April 22, 2005
wa liew i think i shoudl really write a suggestion to TIBS to ask them to increase the frequency of 171s lo... dmamit... went to mcdonals with kayhow and xin ming after sch... hahazdamn funny la practically toking cock down there lol but was fun sia hahaz... then when going home.. oh my rained so heavily la grrr... kayhow took 10 mins to realise he got an umbrella and finally we can get out of KAP to the busstop... or so we thought... CAUSE THE FREAKING UMBRELLA SO SMALL! i ended up running to the busstop la cmi hahaz... lucky din get very wet.. but a few times nearly slip cause of the slippery floor... then at the busstop dammit... waited for 20-30 mins for tt 171... and guess wad... when it finally came... it was all packed... no space at all la! wad the hell seriously lo... i think TIBS should eiuther increase the frequency of 171 and just let the service 171 buses become the longer ones so got more space la... grr
wa liew... sian no where to go tomolo... sobz... wz and nt and jestyn all have training tomolo... cant go out la... wa liew... kanna abandoned...hahaz... but not blaming them la... they got competition hahaz all the bets to table tennis! hahaz=)
~Ch3nDo|~
8:46 PM
// i felt!
Thursday, April 21, 2005
today was generally a feng1 ping2 lang4 jing4 day hahaz... after sch played bball with kay how and frens hahaz lol so long nvr play with them le today play until so shuang very fun! hahaz... but i seriously is starting to get irritated abit by someone le la... hahaz he keeps trying to compete one... super competitive and egoistic... hmmm... nvr mind i shall tolerate it hahaz...
then all left le... after tt ys came but we had no ball... so ended up he go kick soccer while i went gym to see shiucheong and weide they all play badminton... oh yea nuanting! do tt more often yea? u shld know wad i mean hahahaz lolol! so shuang! hahaz... and nj soccer team won meridien! lol 2-0 amazing right? hahaz heard MJ very power hahaz... but it seems NJ doing better now! hahaz... all the best to NJ soccer team lol hahaz
is there any reason for me to give up? i dun think so! hahaz... shall hold on till the end!
~Ch3nDo|~
7:16 PM
// i felt!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
hmmz... practically today is a very slack day lolx... yesterday blog webby down i cant come in so nvr update hahaz.. but actually oso nothing to update la... nowadays like trying to squeeze water out of stone liddat... trying to write something for the sake of updateing my blog... to keep it "alive" lolx...
hmm let's see wad happened these two days... hmmm... yeap nj won jj soccer team 2-0 yesterday and they will be up against meridien next lol... all the best to them ahaz hope they can get into semis and then onto finals=)
then today went to watch wanzhen play table tennis competition hahaz... it ended quite fast lol.. wz lost.. but nvm la its a good learning exp for her... cos during the match she was unable to release her potential fully because she was very very nervous... all of us there can see tt---even me! hahaz but she did well la prior to the fact tt she lacks exp hahaz... but i think she made a new fren lo haha cos her opponent was nt's junior then both of them hit off quite well oso hahaz ppl who dunno might think they were very old frens lo. and both of them are equally clumsy one hahaz...
-blank- will i have to wait for the world to crash down on me? hope not.. prays~
guess praying doesnt work on me... encouraging words fall on deaf ears... one day of hope the other day destroyed... if... IF... wad can i do? unsure of anything now... my life is just flucutating b/n points of happiness and sadness(self defined)... wadeva... like as if say until like tt will help me in any way... just a useless pig... just one tt knows how to lament... forget it...
~Ch3nDo|~
7:31 PM
// i felt!
Saturday, April 16, 2005
images of brown and green and grey whizzed past me.
looking out, blinding light flashed from above
slowly i counted, 1..2...3
9km away from me, i thought.
teardrops fell above me soon.
splattering safely outside of me.
swirling mind, all noise void from my ears
all except for "pitter patter"
~Ch3nDo|~
11:02 PM
// i felt!
as i was ironing out my cltohes just now... suddenly thought of alot of things... very hard to really keep them coming in in a proper manner... just filled my head in swirls and swirls...
will i hold out? is patience really going to get me anywhere? will sincerity holds for this? very hard to say... i seriously find it hard to believe tt kind of assumption holds for me... or issit because of my lack of confidence? will having tt bit more of confidence give me wad i want?
questioning myself hard but will i be able to find the answers? all my answers seem to be negative and such... optimism on a grey day doesnt seem to be very possible... much as i want to be happy i cant find a reason to feel so... digging for it...
~Ch3nDo|~
3:10 PM
// i felt!
Friday, April 15, 2005
... dunno wad to pen down here... seems to me im not having a life lolx.. its like gone to such an extent tt i have nothing to write about yea? hahaz... wadeva... recieved news tt nj western dance got a silver for syf... erm... i can oni say they are unlucky? but i think there goes our half day... sobz~
do ppl wait for fate? or create chances such tt it changes yur fate?hmmmx... wonder~
~Ch3nDo|~
10:01 PM
// i felt!
Thursday, April 14, 2005
~last flight out~
im so scared that u will see
all the weakness inside of me
im so scared of letting go
that the pain i've hid will show
i know you want to hear me speak
but im afraid that if i start to
i'll never stop
i want you to know
u belong in my life
i love the hope i see in your eyes
for you i would fly
at least i would try
for you i'll take
the last flight out
i'm afraid that you will leave
as my secrets have been revealed
in my dreams you'll always stay
every breathing moment from now
i know you want to hear me speak
but im afraid that if i start to
i'll never stop
i want you to know
u belong in my life
i love the hope i see in your eyes
for you i would fly
at least i would try
for you i'll take
the last flight out
i cannot hold back the truth no more
i let you wait too long [wait too long]
although its hard and scares me so
a life without you scares me more
oh... [na na na.. na na na na.. na na na na na..]
the last flight out...
i want you to knowu belong in my life [u belong in my life]
i love the hope i see in your eyes [i love the hope.. isee in your eyes, baby]
for you i would fly [for you i would fly]
at least i would try [at least i would try]
for u i'll take... [for you i would take]
the last flight out
-end-
nice song there=D
~Ch3nDo|~
7:34 PM
// i felt!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
yea man! WOOHOO! chinese dance got gold with honours! lolx=D happy! hahahz dun really know wad to say now actually hahaz... just tt this is the first time at syf i danced le then felt so happy and not tired after the dance hahaz lolx those kind of festive mood just overwhelmed me lolx~! power! hahaz... anyways yeap wu chun feng rox la hahaz we got wad we shld get =P
~Ch3nDo|~
10:42 PM
// i felt!
Monday, April 11, 2005
lolx... last day le my god! tension and excitement alkl building up inside me le~~ argh! hahaz pray pray we can get gold with honours lo really dun wanna get condemned! hahaz... tho i cant say we really practiced very very very hard but i feel tt all of us have put in tt effort to do our best le... yea so hope we dun get disappointed bahx=)
my god... this morning had a nightmare! for so long in my life! after so many years of not having nightmares i had one this morn!! SCARY!! i dreamt i was walking in a shopping centre with my family then i had this weird flashback bout a ghost coming to haunt me my god tt just totally freaked me out la! then i told my mother bout it so she said lets all go home... wah the funny thing is my family suddenly change car to a big seven seater lo hahahz... then when we reached my house carpark... i got down the car... and i just kept looking forward and walking behind my mum... then i had this weird feeling then i turned to look at my grandma behind me... and guessed wad i saw... that freak ghost la! i quickly turned and shouted to my mother for help she just say she cant see anything... then i looked back again and the ghost gone... SUDDENLY IT APPEARED IN FRONT OF ME! ARGH! THOSE YELLOWISH COLD EYES! RED SCARF OVER HER SHOULDERS! that totally woke me up la! wa lao... then realised its 5.20++ am le... wa lao... scary!!
~Ch3nDo|~
8:45 PM
// i felt!
Sunday, April 10, 2005
wad a boring sunday im having right now... headache man... maths is totally driving me nuts! geometric progression assignment and summation BMQ... stuck there for like hours! after i finally did alot of steps i realised my answers are not amking any sense... that is the worst part la... grrrr... heck dun do le... ahhaz... at least physics i can do... chem anyhow muddle my way thru... if not i woulkd have totally be sianned diao by how i wasted my time on hmk tt i couldnt even firgure out how to do... damn... i m just so stupid la... grr.. now its absolute boredom!!
nvm i think shall not bother myself with those stupid hmk hahaz... yesterday on my way home from kallang saw a quote from an advertisement "a dream home is not a home u dream of but a home u dream in" so meaningful right? yeap i think its very meaningful lolx...
~Ch3nDo|~
6:52 PM
// i felt!
Saturday, April 09, 2005
wah today is a full day dance la... my my~ tired out liao lo... morn went sch then dance in sch..wah... and those CO ppl ar... really dunno whether they got brains or manners ornot one... their time slot is supposed to be 10.30.. then they just came in like nobody's business b4 their time to arrange their chairs NOISILY... putting that aside~ then they started to blow their instruments WTF! and we were desperately trying to diao our steps and have to compete with tt loud and noisy music with our voices... stuypid ppl with no brains... totally no common sense one... cant they just see tt we are trying to practise and they can just kindly stay quiet for a moment? stupid ppl... fed up... anyways then went to kallang! cant stand our costumes la hahaz so funny one... not matching colours at all with the girls' costumes or the props at all lolx... and its funny looking at the girls' costumes hahaz... they look so greeeen~~~ then at kallang... let's not tok bout the make up... hahaz... the dance is more impt! RV will sure get gold one... gold with honours can be almost assured le i feel! both the girls and guys items are good! the girls item damn qi2!!! nothing to say! the guys need more improvement but they are already very good now i think! my my... fierce competiton lo... my god... will nj get tt gold with honours? let not think bout it just yet bah hahaz...
~Ch3nDo|~
9:30 PM
// i felt!
Friday, April 08, 2005
sort of lots of stuff in my mind tt i wanna pour out... but its just so hard to type it on here... hands not coordinating with my mind im left shut... bottled up is their oni fate~ bottle them up...
~Ch3nDo|~
9:41 PM
// i felt!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
its not tt i want to... but i just cant help it... wad else can i say? i dun deny it... its just green... seeing green... tt alone made me think and think... until i felt like all is lost and i really felt like crying... so wad if im a guy... sighx... might as well be born a girl right... hmmx... such a girly name somemore... girly handwriting... girly personality... girly character... if not for frens arnd me i think i would have cried... seriously... just felt so unhappy today...
~Ch3nDo|~
11:15 PM
// i felt!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
lolx think im going to write another "tap running" entry again bah... hahaz basically today was such a slack day... 3 actual lessons oni lo hahaz... so shuang... but after tt got dance la sianz... wah this morn heard the announcement tt indian dance got gold with honours/ honest (dunno how it is speeled as la) hahaz... oh my... pressure put on chinese dance is tremendous le... and now with malay dance being in front of us... my god... dunno how much pressure there will be? hope we can get wad is expected of us? lol~ nvm im sure we can do it one hahaz... but then again... competition between schools are very strong... just by facing compeition from rv is enuff le... not to mention other schs such as nan hua sec and other jcs such as hcjc etc.. my o my... lets just try to make it thru! hahaz...
~Ch3nDo|~
9:04 PM
// i felt!
Monday, April 04, 2005
just hum ji... pure hum ji... give a little thingy oso cannot pick up the guts to do so... wanna tok to her oso cannot pick up courage... y am i such a failure?
~Ch3nDo|~
8:32 PM
// i felt!
Sunday, April 03, 2005
lolx OOT day today lo... went to kbox with wz and nt... oh my god... started off very very very very very bad! wadeva we sang we will go out of tune one! cannot make it ar! hahaz but super entertaining as a result cause we ended up luffing at each other~~ dammn funny! imagine how nt tried to sing and with me distracting her and ka jiaoing hahaz lolx! wz oso lo~ but they are liddat cos they slept super duper late last night lo hahaz siao one i dunno how they even manage to wake up today hahaz... then after tt went to orchard library with nt oni cause wz went home... she got wedding dinner to attend at night... then nt's auntie saw us and tot we two together! oh my god! hahahz after tt met with jestyn lol... then first time sat down tok long long with them lo hahaz so fun! listen to their debate on whether one can be happy and sad or happy and jealous at the same time over the same issue oh my~ but too bad cannot stay too late then went home le... sian tomolo still got sch and dance... manz... boring~
~Ch3nDo|~
9:24 PM
// i felt!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
-will i just hit a dead end again?-
-will i just be swallowed by another rnd of depression i created for myself?-
seriously wonder...
~Ch3nDo|~
8:59 PM
// i felt!
deep thoughts i dun think i shld mention in case they find it too unneccassary... but i just couldnt help thinking... im just not confident bout it at all! hope i tried seeing... dun even know its useful ornot... she seems to know it yet again she seems like she dont... thoughts and thoughts just continue running in my head... bottled//
~Ch3nDo|~
4:54 PM
// i felt!
Friday, April 01, 2005
from bored----> happy!~ hahaz... today went sch with such a heavy mood hahaz... so bored... exp after yesterday's anger... lolx... who can be jovial? hahaz... anyways... yea tt's how i started the day! as the lessons passed... it nvr got better lolx... esp during th make up physics prac... was practically looking out for the time onli... not even interested in wad is being taught... actually oso nothing much... as i said... abit of time wasting lo... sianz... but after tt my day then brightened!~ hahaz played badminton again with sc and peckying and weide etc etc... hahaz can oni say tt best remedy for me unhappiness is games hahaz... yea after tt was dance party! everyone went high after the darkness closed in lolx... it was really like a disco lo hahaz so pro! yea and those SCs made a stupid april fool's joke... wa lao... i was so du diao la... until they reavealed the truth hahaz... then went hyper with wanzhen and the rest of the ppl hahaz so fun!!! lolol... but sadly these really fun days coming to an end... i think its about time all me frens will get serious with their work... i think i better work abit harder this time rnd too... but hmmm... we'll see bout tt again hahaz some other day maybe? lolx=)
~Ch3nDo|~
11:46 PM
// i felt!
