Saturday, November 10, 2007

i was thinking to myself suddenly just now... why do i dread going back to camp every week... why am i so scared of having so much work? no matter how much i tell myself all those work are actually not tt much, just need to slowly finish, i cant ever persuade myself that it IS actually gonna get completed... everday i go back in, i find that work that is completed will soon be overwritten by new tasks. work not completed just added on to my to-do list... it is just so... so hateful!!!

sort of realised the answer to my question... i fear going back to camp and doing all those work... i fear that i will do it wrongly... i fear that because of that error i will be given extra duties... i fear that my rights of being allowed to go home on weekends will be wrestled away from me... i fear the scoldings from all the higher ranks...

so many fears... how am i going to maintain my sanity for 14 mths? i know i might sound like im just grumbling... just pure complaining... cos im just a lowly clerk... clerks are the slackest job anw... what's there to complain bout? i dun need to go through grueling physical training, i dun need to do outfield, i dun need to do alot of other stuff that combatants do... so what rights do i have to complain??

i wonder too... why am i complaining? why? am i just too lazy? just too lazy to want to do anything? i dunno... maybe i AM lazy... that's why i complain... everyone else goes to camp, who am i to complain anyway?

forget it.............

~Ch3nDo|~ 8:45 PM
// i felt!

// kendrick yeo

\\ njc.05s14

// chinese dance

~An ordinary teenager!~

'i tried to gain all tt confidence i lack... but no matter how hard i try... it all seems futile'

-u have shown light on me, given me hope-

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